Before you retaliate
It’s almost instinctive to yell back or to be offended at someone who is yelling at you—be it a co-worker or a manager. But yelling back or arguing accomplishes little. It can destroy a business relationship and certainly dims your professional image. So before you respond to a verbal attack, keep these things in mind.
- Figure out what’s really going on. In each of the following cases, compassion—not retaliation—is in order.
- Everyone is liable to blow up during a rough day at work. If the person yelling at you isn’t known as a chronic jerk, then consider that the source of the blow-up could stem from other reasons and not personal.
- Consider that some people are just socially inept and know no other way to communicate.
- Then, there are some people who crave attention and know that yelling or being aggressive is one way to get it.
- Listen before you leap to conclusions. Assume first that what a person is saying is true. More often than not, we tend to start making a list of what’s wrong with a person and miss the opportunity to really find out what’s at issue. At that point, no one is listening to what the other is saying.
- Stay neutral. Instead of adding fuel to the argument by yelling back, deflect the hostilities. Don’t walk away. Instead, demonstrate a neutral position. Answer in a calm, steady voice or give an inane answer. It usually stops an argument cold.
- And don’t handle this via email. Take advantage of a Human Moment.
Forgiving is not forgetting; it’s letting go of anger and hurt and moving on. Take time. It’s not easy to forgive with both your head and heart.
– Joan Burge
